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I love animals. I couldn't eat a whole one but I'll split one with you if you want.

Greg Proops

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Greg Proops
Age: 65
Born: 1959
Born: October 3
Actor
Film Actor
Improviser
Podcaster
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Phoenix
Arizona
Split
Splits
Animals
Couldn
Animal
Whole
Love

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If Iraq's weapons are weapons of mass destruction, surely ours are weapons of growth and nurturing.
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I think if you steal well, you're a genius. If you copy badly, you're a hack.
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I see guys dressing like they're in college - and they're not. I don't want to be that guy.
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I did stand up first in high school, joined an improv group in college, kept doing stand up after that, no one could deter me. And I have no other skills really, so I'm sorta stuck with this now. It's a little late to switch over to an ornithologist.
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In our world, all puns are beautiful and they are the highest form of comedy.
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President Clinton celebrates the first casual Friday at the white house by wearing leather chaps.
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White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never. And two, if you're selling ice cream.
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Animals have two vital functions in today's society to be delicious and to fit well.
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I work for a few at home who are devoted. People who are up now. Either they have some sort of bladder problem or they're extremely drunk. This is my crowd, these are the people I hope to get.
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Don't say 'No,' say 'Gilbert,' ladies and gentlemen.
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People will really believe anything. You may have noticed this. It’s not just me. Look around.
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Don't yell at people. Stand up for what's right. Put yourself in the other persons place. Respect women. Don't take no for an answer. Laugh at yourself. Don't believe what you are told. Fall in love.
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I just feel like history is very much alive and important and I don't, you know, I can't worry about whether people get it or not, per se.
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Let me tell you about Australia. It's really, really, really, far from wherever you live on Earth. You fly and you fly and you fly. Then relativity takes over and you get younger and younger. And when you land, you're a gleam in your father's eye.
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We don't know anything about Scottish history. All we know is that an American guy painted his face blue and somehow they won.
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I love the nightlife. I like to boogie.
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Glasses are for the brave. I do not need to pretend that I am sighted. People who need glasses and don't wear them are slightly less treacherous than people who don't need them and do-like every shallow Hollywood star who wants to be taken seriously.
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Honesty and unpopular opinions are the toughest sell in a country with an irony-deficiency.
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My feeling is, we ran from animals for three million years. It's our time now. If a cow could eat you, it would. And it wouldn't care how comfortable your truck ride over was, either.
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You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.
Greg Proops