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I don't understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It's time to embrace the metric system.

Greg Gutfeld

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Greg Gutfeld
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: September 12
Journalist
Television Personality
Television Presenter
San Mateo
California
Gregory John Gutfeld
Time
Metric
Metrics
Quarter
Quarters
Beer
Embrace
System
Understand
Ounces

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I know that if I say something that's considered outrageous, a group will take it, create an email blast, and use me to raise money or to do whatever, to build their profile.
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If America was a house, the Left would root for the termites.
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What I'm going to miss is the competition, being, that's OK, I can watch from the house.
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I never quit. I just got fired.
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Eric Holder sees everything through the prism of race. He keeps that mustache because shaving cream is white.
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I don't like the way my hair looks, so we're going to do the whole show over.
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Legal gun ownership always prevails over the emotionalism of the gun control movement.
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Whenever there's an act of terror, its guns, its Christians, it's republicans, but the FBI can't say Islamism because it's too politically incorrect. And nobody wants to lose their job, it comes from the top. I think they lack the manpower to do their jobs. It's not about changing the FBI it's about changing the way they do business.
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Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.
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Al Gore completely lied about climate change in an effort to make a lot of money.
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You should try to get fired once in a while. It's good for you.
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The most problematic word in America is the word problematic. It's a wuss word used by people to silence language without actually saying that they want to silence you. They don't want to go full fascist.
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People that want to control words will never ever try to break up, like, a fight on a subway. They will never confront an aggressive person on the bus. They prefer their fights to be easy.
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[In] 2010, Woody Allen said that he felt Barack Obama should be a dictator so that he could get things done, and the first thing obviously that Woody Allen wanted done is to make it legal to have sex with stepdaughters.
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