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The longer I live, the more I'm convinced the world is just one big high school, with the cool kids always targeting the uncool.

Greg Gutfeld

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Greg Gutfeld
Age: 60
Born: 1964
Born: September 12
Journalist
Television Personality
Television Presenter
San Mateo
California
Gregory John Gutfeld
Kids
School
Targeting
Live
Uncool
Always
Convinced
World
Cool
Longer
High
Bigs

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The media is Obama's scandal condom.
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Sanctuary cities are a lot like hitchhiking. And the abstract, it feels really good until you feel dead.
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92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars.
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Al Gore completely lied about climate change in an effort to make a lot of money.
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Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.
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Accusing a politician of being politically expedient is like accusing water of being wet or circles for being round.
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ObamaCare is creating nothing but misery for everybody.
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You should try to get fired once in a while. It's good for you.
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The best thing about Ikea - I'm going to do a quiz here - the names. Do you know what a Floria Fin (ph) is? It's a candle. A Pogestra (ph) - table. A Bar Grick (ph) is a plate, an Eterleeg (ph) is a wine glass and a Scuggle (ph) is the name of my third nipple.
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One thing I noticed when I was young was I was impatient for success. I think everybody is impatient for success. It will come. But don't - you shouldn't let that impatience drive you crazy.
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When the government sees a poor area, its solution is to move the poor out.
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You should just go, go to work, work hard, be a perfectionist, be a workhorse. If you work 10 years straight, you'll be comfortable and set for life. That is a fact.
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What I'm going to miss is the competition, being, that's OK, I can watch from the house.
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I guess if your heart's in the right place, the trash can go anywhere.
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The media treats fear like a one-night stand. They jump on it and then they leave the next day and they forget - remember the Alar Scare? Things - see, nobody even remembers Alar.
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Unlike those who fight truly intolerant things like terrorism throughout the world, Madonna is really the lone brave voice in the wilderness standing up against evil.
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Ask dumb questions and listen quietly for the answers. That's a wisdom stair climber.
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Imagine if today, they invented a religion that advocated the killing of gays. We would not tolerate that. However, Islam is a religion that advocates that.
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I don't understand why a 40 is a quarter of beer when a 40 is 40 ounces. It's time to embrace the metric system.
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