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The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.

Greg Giraldo

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Greg Giraldo
Age: 44 †
Born: 1965
Born: December 10
Died: 2010
Died: September 29
Actor
Comedian
Lawyer
Stand-Up Comedian
The Bronx
New York City
Gregory C. Giraldo
Part
Feel
Feels
Real
Going
Hardest
Like
Stage
Probably
Funny

More quotes by Greg Giraldo

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I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
Greg Giraldo
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I think all gay guys should get married. I think they should have to get married. They should have to adopt kids because, actually, I'm getting tired of their happy-go-lucky lifestyle. I've had it with them being all happy and in shape. I could look good in denim short shorts and combat boots, too, if I had all day to do leg presses at the gym.
Greg Giraldo
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You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress.
Greg Giraldo
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Gilbert Gottfried is famously cheap. I'm impressed you're here Gilbert. You gotta buy new clothes and take a week off work just to do this. But you showed up. You tightened your belt and you came. You're like David Carradine.
Greg Giraldo
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George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?
Greg Giraldo
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People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.
Greg Giraldo
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The internet's a creepy thing, especially if you have kids. It says something very creepy about the fact that I use the same machine to masturbate with as I use to teach my kid the alphabet.
Greg Giraldo
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The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.
Greg Giraldo
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We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?
Greg Giraldo
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Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?
Greg Giraldo
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The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Greg Giraldo
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It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.
Greg Giraldo
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Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
Greg Giraldo
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If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.
Greg Giraldo
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If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.
Greg Giraldo
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How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.
Greg Giraldo
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My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
Greg Giraldo
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It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?
Greg Giraldo
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If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?
Greg Giraldo
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A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.
Greg Giraldo