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Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

Greg Giraldo

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Greg Giraldo
Age: 44 †
Born: 1965
Born: December 10
Died: 2010
Died: September 29
Actor
Comedian
Lawyer
Stand-Up Comedian
The Bronx
New York City
Gregory C. Giraldo
Michael
Coin
Giants
Parking
Problem
Foxes
Ever
Coins
Macdonald
People
Dropped
Casino
Norm
Casinos
Gambling
Funniest
Giant
Meter

More quotes by Greg Giraldo

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Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?
Greg Giraldo
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A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.
Greg Giraldo
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The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.
Greg Giraldo
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The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.
Greg Giraldo
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It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?
Greg Giraldo
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When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.
Greg Giraldo
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Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.
Greg Giraldo
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The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.
Greg Giraldo
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I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
Greg Giraldo
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My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
Greg Giraldo
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We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.
Greg Giraldo
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Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Greg Giraldo
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In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story
Greg Giraldo
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The internet's a creepy thing, especially if you have kids. It says something very creepy about the fact that I use the same machine to masturbate with as I use to teach my kid the alphabet.
Greg Giraldo
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You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.
Greg Giraldo
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Gilbert Gottfried is famously cheap. I'm impressed you're here Gilbert. You gotta buy new clothes and take a week off work just to do this. But you showed up. You tightened your belt and you came. You're like David Carradine.
Greg Giraldo
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If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.
Greg Giraldo
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Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
Greg Giraldo
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How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.
Greg Giraldo
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You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress.
Greg Giraldo