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Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

Greg Giraldo

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Greg Giraldo
Age: 44 †
Born: 1965
Born: December 10
Died: 2010
Died: September 29
Actor
Comedian
Lawyer
Stand-Up Comedian
The Bronx
New York City
Gregory C. Giraldo
Michael
Coin
Giants
Parking
Problem
Foxes
Ever
Coins
Macdonald
People
Dropped
Casino
Norm
Casinos
Gambling
Funniest
Giant
Meter

More quotes by Greg Giraldo

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It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?
Greg Giraldo
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All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.
Greg Giraldo
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When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.
Greg Giraldo
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You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.
Greg Giraldo
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Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?
Greg Giraldo
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If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?
Greg Giraldo
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Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
Greg Giraldo
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The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Greg Giraldo
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People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.
Greg Giraldo
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If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.
Greg Giraldo
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The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.
Greg Giraldo
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I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
Greg Giraldo
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The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.
Greg Giraldo
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We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.
Greg Giraldo
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My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
Greg Giraldo
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You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.
Greg Giraldo
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A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.
Greg Giraldo
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The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.
Greg Giraldo
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Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.
Greg Giraldo
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We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?
Greg Giraldo