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Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.

Greg Giraldo

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Greg Giraldo
Age: 44 †
Born: 1965
Born: December 10
Died: 2010
Died: September 29
Actor
Comedian
Lawyer
Stand-Up Comedian
The Bronx
New York City
Gregory C. Giraldo
Maybe
Misinterpreted
Anyone
Persian
Religion
Seventy
Sense
Virgins
Two
Seventies
Doe
Foot
Make
Ancient
Feet

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If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.
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The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
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We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?
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A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.
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You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.
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The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.
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Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
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Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.
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The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.
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It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?
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I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
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My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
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If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?
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George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?
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We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.
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