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Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.
Greg Giraldo
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Greg Giraldo
Age: 44 †
Born: 1965
Born: December 10
Died: 2010
Died: September 29
Actor
Comedian
Lawyer
Stand-Up Comedian
The Bronx
New York City
Gregory C. Giraldo
Sense
Virgins
Two
Seventies
Doe
Foot
Make
Ancient
Feet
Maybe
Misinterpreted
Anyone
Persian
Religion
Seventy
More quotes by Greg Giraldo
Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?
Greg Giraldo
A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.
Greg Giraldo
Edible underwear?... even during sex, we can't stop eating.
Greg Giraldo
George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?
Greg Giraldo
You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.
Greg Giraldo
You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.
Greg Giraldo
A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.
Greg Giraldo
When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.
Greg Giraldo
Sometimes you have to suffer a little bit in your youth to motivate yourself to succeed in later life. If Bill Gates had got laid in high school, do you think there'd be a Microsoft?
Greg Giraldo
People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.
Greg Giraldo
Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.
Greg Giraldo
The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.
Greg Giraldo
The internet's a creepy thing, especially if you have kids. It says something very creepy about the fact that I use the same machine to masturbate with as I use to teach my kid the alphabet.
Greg Giraldo
Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.
Greg Giraldo
My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
Greg Giraldo
It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.
Greg Giraldo
I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
Greg Giraldo
The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Greg Giraldo
Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
Greg Giraldo
We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.
Greg Giraldo