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Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.

Greg Giraldo

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Greg Giraldo
Age: 44 †
Born: 1965
Born: December 10
Died: 2010
Died: September 29
Actor
Comedian
Lawyer
Stand-Up Comedian
The Bronx
New York City
Gregory C. Giraldo
Looks
Ticket
Believe
Bucks
Things
Tickets
Jews
Jew
Insane
Worth
Look
Streisand

More quotes by Greg Giraldo

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Even before the kids are born, you've go to make these decisions. If it's a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it's a girl, do we keep her?
Greg Giraldo
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A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.
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Edible underwear?... even during sex, we can't stop eating.
Greg Giraldo
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You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.
Greg Giraldo
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When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.
Greg Giraldo
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A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.
Greg Giraldo
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My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
Greg Giraldo
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The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.
Greg Giraldo
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In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story
Greg Giraldo
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The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Greg Giraldo
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Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.
Greg Giraldo
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All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.
Greg Giraldo
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How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.
Greg Giraldo
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We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?
Greg Giraldo
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I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
Greg Giraldo
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People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.
Greg Giraldo
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We're a spoiled, lazy culture, full of ethnic pride that has to have a parade for every nationality.
Greg Giraldo
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You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.
Greg Giraldo
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If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?
Greg Giraldo
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The internet's a creepy thing, especially if you have kids. It says something very creepy about the fact that I use the same machine to masturbate with as I use to teach my kid the alphabet.
Greg Giraldo