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It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?
Greg Giraldo
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Greg Giraldo
Age: 44 †
Born: 1965
Born: December 10
Died: 2010
Died: September 29
Actor
Comedian
Lawyer
Stand-Up Comedian
The Bronx
New York City
Gregory C. Giraldo
Kids
Clubs
Self
Esteem
Feel
Gonna
Feels
Dance
Make
Build
Good
Grows
Everybody
Strip
High
Ego
More quotes by Greg Giraldo
The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.
Greg Giraldo
How many of you text message? It's a great way of not communicating.
Greg Giraldo
You think they could stop putting these experts on the news with their doomsday scenarios of how the terrorists might attack us? Because you get the sense they're coming up with ideas that these people haven't thought of themselves.
Greg Giraldo
A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.
Greg Giraldo
You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress.
Greg Giraldo
The hardest part, for real, is probably when you just don't feel like going on stage and being funny.
Greg Giraldo
If they [peple] really hate you, that means you're doing something right.
Greg Giraldo
Look at the insane things the Jews believe. The Jews believe that Barbra Streisand is worth $1,000 bucks a ticket.
Greg Giraldo
Seventy-two virgins - does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.
Greg Giraldo
Valentine's day has gotten blown way out of proportion. Valentine's Day just used to be for your girlfriend or your wife but now everyone's like 'Oh, happy valentine's day!' I even got a Valentine's Day card from my grandmother. How ridiculous is that? We stopped having sex years ago!
Greg Giraldo
Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.
Greg Giraldo
If I drive my SUV I'm supporting terrorism. Okay, I'll take a taxi, Is that better?
Greg Giraldo
My advice to graduates is to stay positive. Life is short, and you'll be dead soon.
Greg Giraldo
We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?
Greg Giraldo
It's something like 70% of American adults are obese, and the rest of them are women on Ally McBeal.
Greg Giraldo
If you're going to dedicate your career to ranting about the excesses of American capitalism, you probably shouldn't weigh 450 pounds.
Greg Giraldo
You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.
Greg Giraldo
George Bush says that gay people getting married would violate the sanctity of marriage. Is anybody here married? Does it feel like a gift from God to you?
Greg Giraldo
Some people are just really goofy kind of guitar acts, and they go out and do these colleges and start making a fortune pretty early on. And other people - I know guys who are great comics, who've done the Letterman show many times, who still barely pay their bills.
Greg Giraldo
In catholisism we have an entire religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story
Greg Giraldo