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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Deep
Wish
Would
Bacon

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
Greg Behrendt
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
Greg Behrendt
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Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself
Greg Behrendt
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The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
Greg Behrendt
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Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
Greg Behrendt
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
Greg Behrendt
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Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
Greg Behrendt
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As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.
Greg Behrendt
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
Greg Behrendt
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
Greg Behrendt
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
Greg Behrendt
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
Greg Behrendt
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
Greg Behrendt
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A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it.
Greg Behrendt
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
Greg Behrendt
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Greg Behrendt
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You already have one asshole, you don't need another one
Greg Behrendt
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
Greg Behrendt
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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
Greg Behrendt
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
Greg Behrendt