Quote

I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Many
Cause
Candy
Years
Attitude
Roll
Causes
Rule
Manned
Situation
Wear
Assess
House
Rules
Costume
Two
Door
Grab
Kids
Doors
Halloween
Come
Design
Costumes

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The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
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It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
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...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
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