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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Dudes
More quotes by Greg Behrendt
Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
Greg Behrendt
We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
Greg Behrendt
People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
Greg Behrendt
First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
Greg Behrendt
I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
Greg Behrendt
Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
Greg Behrendt
There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
Greg Behrendt
She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
Greg Behrendt
If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
Greg Behrendt
Ive learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.
Greg Behrendt
I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
Greg Behrendt
Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
Greg Behrendt
It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
Greg Behrendt
The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
Greg Behrendt
Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
Greg Behrendt
If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Greg Behrendt
If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
Greg Behrendt
Good enough to tweet, not to say.
Greg Behrendt
Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
Greg Behrendt
We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
Greg Behrendt