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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Walking
Father
Around
Going
Thinking
Pussy
Cat
Eating

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Good enough to tweet, not to say.
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An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself
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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
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Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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You are not easily forgotten.
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One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning
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As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.
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The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
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Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
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