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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Father
Around
Going
Thinking
Pussy
Cat
Eating
Walking

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
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You are not easily forgotten.
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I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
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I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
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Good enough to tweet, not to say.
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Don't waste the pretty
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If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
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The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
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He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
Greg Behrendt
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Greg Behrendt
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Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.
Greg Behrendt