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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Father
Around
Going
Thinking
Pussy
Cat
Eating
Walking

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
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You already have one asshole, you don't need another one
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
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Better than nothing is not good enough for you!
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
Greg Behrendt