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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Else
Cake
Might
Phrases
Without
Department
Vehicles
Would
Boat
Register
Anywhere
Spanish
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More quotes by Greg Behrendt
I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
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Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.
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It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
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I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
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So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.
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