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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Might
Phrases
Without
Department
Vehicles
Would
Boat
Register
Anywhere
Spanish
Somebody
Motor
Language
Phrase
Speak
Vehicle
Else
Cake
More quotes by Greg Behrendt
When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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Don't waste the pretty
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
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You already have one asshole, you don't need another one
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself
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You are not easily forgotten.
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She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
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Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
Greg Behrendt
