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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Speak
Vehicle
Else
Cake
Might
Phrases
Without
Department
Vehicles
Would
Boat
Register
Anywhere
Spanish
Somebody
Motor
Language
Phrase

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
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The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
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How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
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The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
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He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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Don't waste the pretty
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It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
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