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She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Didn
Minus
Much
Dude
Love
Plus
Caught
Moved
Making
Night
Another
Driveway
More quotes by Greg Behrendt
It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
Greg Behrendt
When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
Greg Behrendt
If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
Greg Behrendt
It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
Greg Behrendt
My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
Greg Behrendt
Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
Greg Behrendt
I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
Greg Behrendt
If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
Greg Behrendt
I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
Greg Behrendt
Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
Greg Behrendt
I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
Greg Behrendt
There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
Greg Behrendt
The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
Greg Behrendt
My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.
Greg Behrendt
I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.
Greg Behrendt
There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
Greg Behrendt
Always be classy. Never be crazy.
Greg Behrendt
I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
Greg Behrendt
When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
Greg Behrendt
I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
Greg Behrendt
