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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Father
Hands
Bats
Might
Genuinely
Basketball
Daughter
Failing
Asked
Hand

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The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
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Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.
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...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Good enough to tweet, not to say.
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One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
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The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
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Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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