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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Pretending
Stop
Things
Time
Like
People
Foster
Insects

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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
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I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
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Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
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It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
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Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.
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If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
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Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
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He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
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