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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Insects
Pretending
Stop
Things
Time
Like
People
Foster

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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
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Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
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The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
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If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
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The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
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Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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