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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Seem
Leave
Wife
Seems
Take
Many
Children
Behinds
People
Behind

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
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Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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Don't waste the pretty
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If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
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I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.
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So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.
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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
Greg Behrendt
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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