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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Fine
Butterscotch
Cheetah
Cheetahs
Sweater
Sweaters
Pants

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
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If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
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Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself
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The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
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Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Greg Behrendt
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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
Greg Behrendt
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For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.
Greg Behrendt
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Better than nothing is not good enough for you!
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Good enough to tweet, not to say.
Greg Behrendt