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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Butterscotch
Cheetah
Cheetahs
Sweater
Sweaters
Pants
Fine

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
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I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
Greg Behrendt
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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
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Better than nothing is not good enough for you!
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The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
Greg Behrendt
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it.
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
Greg Behrendt
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
Greg Behrendt
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
Greg Behrendt
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
Greg Behrendt
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
Greg Behrendt
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
Greg Behrendt