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As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Wife
Guy
Call
Often
Doe
Really
Never
Liked
Told

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
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It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
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So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.
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It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
Greg Behrendt
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.
Greg Behrendt
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She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
Greg Behrendt
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
Greg Behrendt
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He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
Greg Behrendt
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
Greg Behrendt