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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Hire
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Jobs
Something
Love
People
Switchblade
More quotes by Greg Behrendt
The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
Greg Behrendt
Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
Greg Behrendt
If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
Greg Behrendt
Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
Greg Behrendt
...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
Greg Behrendt
The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
Greg Behrendt
As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.
Greg Behrendt
I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
Greg Behrendt
Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
Greg Behrendt
Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
Greg Behrendt
If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Greg Behrendt
The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
Greg Behrendt
An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
Greg Behrendt
People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
Greg Behrendt
Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.
Greg Behrendt
We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
Greg Behrendt
Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
Greg Behrendt
..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.
Greg Behrendt
Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself
Greg Behrendt
I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
Greg Behrendt