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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Eating
Rebound
Number
Shopping
Numbers
Poison
Whatever
Revenge
Pain
Drugs
May
Drinking
Drug
Sex

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You are not easily forgotten.
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
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Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.
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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
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Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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Wasting time in a relationship that blows is just that - wasted time.
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
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