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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Selfish
Suddenly
Relationship
Four
Guy
Bigs
Dawns
Trying
Jerk
Years
Dawn

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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
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One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning
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Good enough to tweet, not to say.
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Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.
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It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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