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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Years
Dawn
Selfish
Suddenly
Relationship
Four
Guy
Bigs
Dawns
Trying
Jerk

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Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
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He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
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If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
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I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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