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Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
People
Gross
Faces
Hope
Young

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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
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The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
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If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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You already have one asshole, you don't need another one
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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