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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Less
Cadbury
Eggs
Friends

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
Greg Behrendt
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
Greg Behrendt
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
Greg Behrendt
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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
Greg Behrendt
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Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
Greg Behrendt
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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
Greg Behrendt
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The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
Greg Behrendt
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
Greg Behrendt
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You are not easily forgotten.
Greg Behrendt
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
Greg Behrendt
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Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.
Greg Behrendt
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How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?
Greg Behrendt
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
Greg Behrendt
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As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.
Greg Behrendt
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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
Greg Behrendt
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If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
Greg Behrendt
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
Greg Behrendt
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So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.
Greg Behrendt
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
Greg Behrendt
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
Greg Behrendt