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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Cadbury
Eggs
Friends
Less

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
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Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
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You are not easily forgotten.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
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So, I'm 34. I'm kind of becoming an adult - kind of, I guess. But I know that I am because, the other day, I said to somebody, 'Dude, dude, don't - those are the good plates.
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She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
Greg Behrendt
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
Greg Behrendt
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Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
Greg Behrendt
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Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.
Greg Behrendt
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Don't waste the pretty
Greg Behrendt
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You already have one asshole, you don't need another one
Greg Behrendt
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Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
Greg Behrendt
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It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
Greg Behrendt
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It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
Greg Behrendt
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
Greg Behrendt
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But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation
Greg Behrendt