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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Picking
Personally
Cry
Ones
Sleep
Friends
Make
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More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
Greg Behrendt
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
Greg Behrendt
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
Greg Behrendt
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I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.
Greg Behrendt
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I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
Greg Behrendt
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There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
Greg Behrendt
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Greg Behrendt
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
Greg Behrendt
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..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.
Greg Behrendt
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
Greg Behrendt
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If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
Greg Behrendt
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...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
Greg Behrendt
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
Greg Behrendt
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As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.
Greg Behrendt
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
Greg Behrendt
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
Greg Behrendt
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
Greg Behrendt
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One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning
Greg Behrendt
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
Greg Behrendt
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The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
Greg Behrendt