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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Didn
Together
Back
Going
Crappy
Really
Exes
Boyfriend
Guy
Happy

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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
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Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
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If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
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But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation
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...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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You are not easily forgotten.
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For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.
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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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