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An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Excuse
Friendship
Afraid
Men
Ruining
Polite
Rejection

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If my father is walking around going, 'Mmm, pussy,' he's thinking about eating the cat.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation
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How many presidents, do you think, ever said to another guy: 'I can't believe we're doing this in the White House'?
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
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Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
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It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.
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Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time?
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