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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Breakup
Directly
Takes
Better
Feel
Feels
Time
Proportional

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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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A friend of mine told a story about a date with a guy she was really excited about: He stood her up. He then called her, begging her forgiveness and giving some excuse. She told him to get lost, telling him that he only gets one shot with her, and he blew it.
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
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An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
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Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
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Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.
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Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
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My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
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The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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