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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Wrong
Brokenhearted
Nothing
Ribs
Looks
Hurts
Every
Breath
Like
Breaths
Outside
Broken
Hurt

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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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I want you to be yourself, but not with other dudes.
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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning
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Better than nothing is not good enough for you!
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...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
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Why should you feel honored for getting scraps of his time?
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I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
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I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
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But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation
Greg Behrendt