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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Wrong
Brokenhearted
Nothing
Ribs
Looks
Hurts
Every
Breath
Like
Breaths
Outside
Broken
Hurt

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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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You are not easily forgotten.
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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Don't waste the pretty
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I've never tried to pass myself off as anything more than a comedian who wrote a dating book.
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
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Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
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But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation
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Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.
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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
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The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
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Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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