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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Wrong
Brokenhearted
Nothing
Ribs
Looks
Hurts
Every
Breath
Like
Breaths
Outside
Broken
Hurt

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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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You are not easily forgotten.
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The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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Ive learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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Don't you want the guy who'll forget about all the other things in his life before he forgets about you?
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Young people are gross with their faces and their hope.
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Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
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My wife's beautiful. That's why I married her. Because I want to see her every day.
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
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The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
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