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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Deal
Deals
Comes
Men
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More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
Greg Behrendt
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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
Greg Behrendt
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
Greg Behrendt
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
Greg Behrendt
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For me, a breakup changed my entire life. I was a mess. I really got rocked, and I ended up turning it into a positive thing.
Greg Behrendt
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Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
Greg Behrendt
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
Greg Behrendt
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
Greg Behrendt
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
Greg Behrendt
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
Greg Behrendt
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One of the suckiest and most frustrating facts of life is that sometimes relationship just end, often without reason. I truly believe that sometimes both men and women simply run out of love, even when there was a lot of it in the beginning
Greg Behrendt
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Ive learned that anything in life worth having comes from patience and hard work.
Greg Behrendt
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An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
Greg Behrendt
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Having feelings doesn't mean you have to have sex.
Greg Behrendt
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Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
Greg Behrendt
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If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
Greg Behrendt
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It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
Greg Behrendt
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
Greg Behrendt
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The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
Greg Behrendt
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Drinking, eating, shopping, revenge, rebound sex, drugs or whatever your poison may be will number the pain - but that's all.
Greg Behrendt