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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Sure
Kill
Rather
City
Tell
Arms
Even
Lose
Yell
Would
Cities
Bus
Men
Loses
Cry
Simply
Worse
Quite
Window
More quotes by Greg Behrendt
My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
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Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.
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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
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Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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But he was so great!' Yes, and the people who got on the Titanic thought they were going on a vacation
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
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You already have one asshole, you don't need another one
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There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
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Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
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If he's choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn't respect your feelings and needs.
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
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The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
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I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
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