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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Men
Loses
Cry
Simply
Worse
Quite
Window
Sure
Kill
Rather
City
Tell
Arms
Even
Lose
Yell
Would
Cities
Bus
More quotes by Greg Behrendt
If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
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Don't waste the pretty
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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The best thing that can happen in a relationship is when you are the same person you were before the relationship started. You are not hiding anything, and you still have a life of your own. The other best thing is sex - that is a super positive.
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There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
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I'm tired of seeing great women in bullshit relationships.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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..he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you.
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
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If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
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He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk. If he likes you, he'll want to see you when his judgment isn't impaired.
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