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We (men) would rather lose an arm out a city bus window than tell you simply, “You’re not the one.” We are quite sure you will kill us or yourself or both—or even worse, cry and yell at us.
Greg Behrendt
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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Would
Cities
Bus
Men
Loses
Cry
Simply
Worse
Quite
Window
Sure
Kill
Rather
City
Tell
Arms
Even
Lose
Yell
More quotes by Greg Behrendt
The word “busy” is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call. Remember: Men are never too busy to get what they want.
Greg Behrendt
Feeling in love (or lust) and fear feel a lot alike. They both give you that anxious butterfly feeling in your stomach, a sense of excitement, and a general unease physically and mentally. It's easy to confuse love with fear.
Greg Behrendt
The one cool thing with getting older is that you can actively choose to just be an eccentric.
Greg Behrendt
There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
Greg Behrendt
Breakups hurt like a motherf*#ker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
Greg Behrendt
If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further.
Greg Behrendt
It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
Greg Behrendt
The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
Greg Behrendt
...you are defined by how you live your life, not whom you live it with, and certainly not by what you gave up to be with that person.
Greg Behrendt
Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
Greg Behrendt
It`s your version of whatever that is. We use those words because they are kind of empowering. Try to get back into your life and get back on track with dreams you have. There`s nothing more attractive than a person who likes herself.
Greg Behrendt
Better than nothing is not good enough for you!
Greg Behrendt
Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
Greg Behrendt
An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
Greg Behrendt
I love astute observations and really great wordplay. I love the way that Louis C.K. observes life, and I love the way Patton Oswalt talks about it.
Greg Behrendt
I will go anywhere if you say the phrase 'there might be cake.' I would go to the Department of Motor Vehicles, register somebody else's boat in Spanish, a language I do not speak, without ID - for cake.
Greg Behrendt
Don't idolize anyone if you can. You know, be inspired by people, certainly, but don't idolize people... Because they'll let you down.
Greg Behrendt
The reason it's so painful when someone disappears is you have to face the fact that the person you loved had probably left you a long time before he grabbed his coat and scrammed.
Greg Behrendt
Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)
Greg Behrendt
It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
Greg Behrendt