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You already have one asshole, you don't need another one

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Need
Needs
Lemonade
Asshole
Already
Another

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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First of all, never buy a man a plasma TV until you're married. A lot of men once they have a plasma TV they don't need a girlfriend
Greg Behrendt
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There will never be a good time, financially, to get married, unless you're Shaq or Ray Romano. But somehow people manage. If your man is using money as an excuse not to marry you, it's your relationship that's insecure, not his bank account.
Greg Behrendt
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Two people in a relationship either grow together or apart over time.
Greg Behrendt
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An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of 'ruining the friendship.
Greg Behrendt
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Most people don't want to leave their wife and children behind but many people seem to want to take leave of themselves.
Greg Behrendt
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If I had butterscotch pants and a cheetah sweater... I'd be just fine.
Greg Behrendt
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If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Greg Behrendt
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I have two rules when you come to my house on Halloween. Wear a costume - 'cause if you've manned your door at your own house, you know how many kids will roll up, 14 years old with no costume and an attitude. My other rule: don't grab. Let me assess you and then design a candy situation for you.
Greg Behrendt
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My buddy Tom... he'd been chasing a girl for two years, and he got her the old-fashioned way - dates and listening.
Greg Behrendt
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Turning a breakup into a break-over ... We want women to know that as bad as it can be, it can also be an opportunity to reinvent yourself.
Greg Behrendt
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Cheaters are people who have a lot of stuff to work out, and they're working it out on your time and with your heart.
Greg Behrendt
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Can you deep fry the bacon? Oh how I wish you would.
Greg Behrendt
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Lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you.
Greg Behrendt
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
Greg Behrendt
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Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
Greg Behrendt
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
Greg Behrendt
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There's nothing wrong with sending a quick note if you're busy or just want to flirt, but it's hard to have any real interaction over text. In the buffet of communication, text messaging should be a side dish, not the entree.
Greg Behrendt
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Don't waste the pretty
Greg Behrendt
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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
Greg Behrendt
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
Greg Behrendt