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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Never
Cheaters
Cheater
Suck
Prosper

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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Busy' is another word for 'asshole'. 'Asshole' is another word for the guy you're dating.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
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I believe in love in hindsight, meaning attraction and connection can be remembered as love at first sight. But how could you possibly know at first sight? That's too much pressure to put on a relationship.
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Before you look for validation in others, try and find it in yourself
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People say get a job doing something you love. So far no one has offered to hire me to eat Whoppers with a switchblade.
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Always be classy. Never be crazy.
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If a man is really into you, nothing will stop him from being with you - including a fear of intimacy.
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The pain of being in a bad relationship is confusing. When it's over - it's over. No more confusion!
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Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
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Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.
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My daughter genuinely asked me to hand her the basketball bat. I might be failing as a father.
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Maybe this is just me, because my priorities have changed as I’ve gotten older. But now I don’t want to be ‘sort of dating’ someone. I don’t want to be ‘kinda hanging out’ with someone. I don’t want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved.
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As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that's why I call her as often as I do.
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Being brokenhearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing's wrong, but every breath hurts.
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There are three kinda men in the world. There's men that own rope, men that use eye creme, and that dude from Nickleback.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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