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Cheaters never prosper. (Because they suck.)

Greg Behrendt

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Greg Behrendt
Age: 61
Born: 1963
Born: July 21
Actor
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
San Francisco County
California
Gregory Behrendt
Suck
Prosper
Never
Cheaters
Cheater

More quotes by Greg Behrendt

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When it comes to men, deal with them as they are, not how you’d like them to be.
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She didn't love me that much, but she moved in with me. That's a plus. And then one night, I caught her making out with another dude on the driveway. That's a minus.
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It's time to stop pretending I'm ok with things I'm not ok with like all insects and Foster the People.
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We have become a sloppy bunch of people. We say things we don’t mean. We make promises we don’t keep.
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I have less friends, but I have more Cadbury Eggs.
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Alone also means available for someone outstanding.
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Well, I knew instantly when I met my wife what a good relationship it was, compared with what I had been doing for the previous 20-odd years. She is my buddy, my partner, my friend. And part of being a comedian is that it's your job to look at life and regurgitate it in a funny way, to point out its absurdities.
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Send her a quick note while you`re stuck in a long meeting. A lighthearted chat definitely makes the time go faster.
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People are inspired to do remarkable things to find and be with the one they love.
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The time it takes to feel better about a breakup is directly proportional to the time it takes to feel better about yourself.
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If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won’t keep you guessing, because he’ll want to make sure you don’t get frustrated and go away.
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The day you realize you don't have to make sense to anyone is the day you start to make sense to you.
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Remember always what you set out to get, and please don’t settle for less.
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Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
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Deciding to get back together with someone is a complicated and difficult decision. Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your beautiful face, took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that he was no longer in need of your company.
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There are only so many ways to get people to go see stand-up, that it really is about the product it's not so much about the theme of the show.
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When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you.
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Better than nothing is not good enough for you!
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Try not to be four years into a relationship when it suddenly dawns on you that the guy you're with is a big, selfish jerk.
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Trust yourself, because as Oprah says, doubt means don't every time
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