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One, two, ... five! Three, my lord.

Graham Chapman

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Graham Chapman
Age: 48 †
Born: 1941
Born: January 8
Died: 1989
Died: October 4
Actor
Autobiographer
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Physician
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Writer
Leicester
England
Gray Chapman
Graham Arthur Chapman
Five
Lord
Three
Two

More quotes by Graham Chapman

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I mean, if I went 'round saying I was an emperor, just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
Graham Chapman
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This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
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In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.
Graham Chapman
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I'm afraid I'm not personally qualified to confuse cats, but I can recommend an extremely good service.
Graham Chapman
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We don't deliberately set out to offend. Unless we feel it's justified.
Graham Chapman
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John Howard Davies was not a very human person ... if you made a mistake of any kind, any sort of pause in speech, he would treat you rather as if he was a schoolmaster.
Graham Chapman
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One thing for sure - a sheep is not a creature of the air.
Graham Chapman
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McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...
Graham Chapman
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You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane. Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives.
Graham Chapman
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WHAT is your name? WHAT is your quest? and WHAT is your favorite color?
Graham Chapman
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Oh Lord please don't burn us don't kill or toast your flock. Don't put us on the barbecue or simmer us in stock. Don't bake or baste or boil us or stir-fry us in a wok.
Graham Chapman
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When you're chewing on life's gristle Don't grumble, give a whistle And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life.
Graham Chapman
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Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government.
Graham Chapman
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Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
Graham Chapman
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Bring out... The Comfy Chair!!!!
Graham Chapman
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Camelot is a silly place.
Graham Chapman
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Sir Beldevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Beldevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Graham Chapman
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At that time, a friend shall lose his friend's hammer, and the young shall not know where lieth the things possessed by their fathers that their fathers put there only just the night before.
Graham Chapman
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Tis but a scratch! A scratch? Your arm's off! No it isn't. Then what's that? Oh come on, pansy!
Graham Chapman
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We come from nothing, we are going back to nothing-In the end what have we lost? Nothing!
Graham Chapman