Ask a footballer what they can cook and they always say spaghetti. It is what you reach for when there is nothing else left in the larder. It's poor people's food and it's unsophisticated. It's the same as bread - you just boil it instead of putting it in the oven.

In terms of column writing, with the exception of one or two others, I am probably paid as well as you can be as a journalist. I attribute some of this success to my ability to haggle. The main thing in this game is to ask for money and when they tell you the amount you say, no, I want more.

I am afraid that I am actually naturally good with money. My wife thinks it is because I am a Jew, which is both slightly anti-Semitic and also correct. Frankly, all my goysha - gentile - friends haven't got a clue.