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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
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Wow
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Minute
Think
Thought
Street
Thinking
Ideas
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Never
More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried
One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
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I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.
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I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like its crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like its laughing. Nowadays, we would say, How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.
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I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
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Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.
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I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.
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I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
Gilbert Gottfried
In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
Gilbert Gottfried