Quote

I'm terrible when I have to fill up free time. My days, if I'm not working, I wake up and figure out a way to kill time until it's time to go to sleep.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Way
Figure
Time
Kill
Figures
Terrible
Days
Sleep
Working
Fill
Free
Wake

More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Some comedians tell nice jokes that you can tell to your kids. Some use bad words - they work 'blue.' If you don't want to hear a joke that's blue, you shouldn't go to a comedy club where a comedian who makes blue jokes is performing.
Gilbert Gottfried
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
Gilbert Gottfried
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
Gilbert Gottfried
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
Gilbert Gottfried
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
Gilbert Gottfried
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People have many theories about comedy, but being just plain funny is the one most important thing.
Gilbert Gottfried
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
Gilbert Gottfried
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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
Gilbert Gottfried
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There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!
Gilbert Gottfried
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There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
Gilbert Gottfried
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I used to go to the Improvisation Comedy Club every night in Times Square. How I didn't get killed in that area either means that 1) God is watching over me or 2) I am so insignificant to God that he didn't bother having me killed.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Nothing can help my comedy.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
Gilbert Gottfried