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I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Asks
Audience
Idea
Audiences
Money
Washington
Back
Basically
Ideas
Watches
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Watch
Every
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More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
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If someone says that I'm the best at anything, I always just agree with them. I'm certainly not gonna argue.
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One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
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I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
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Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.
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Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
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You never know what people will choose to be offended by.
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
Gilbert Gottfried
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In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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