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Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
Talk
Celebrities
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Give
Reveal
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Interviews
Much
Magazines
Every
Straight
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Psychoanalyst
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Ouch
More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried
I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.
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I've never been one of those who wanted to fill my calendar up 90 percent of the time.
Gilbert Gottfried
Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
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I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
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I think a lot of people have too much time on their hands.
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I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.
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I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.
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There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!
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Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
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I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
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I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.
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