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Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.
Gilbert Gottfried
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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
Podcaster
Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
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More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried
I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?'
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I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
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Nothing can help my comedy.
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I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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I sincerely apologize to anyone who was offended by my attempt at humor regarding the tragedy in Japan. I meant no disrespect, and my thoughts are with the victims and their families.
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
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I personally think Miles Davis is a lot funnier than me. And he's working more.
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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.
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There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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You can say ass, but you can't say asshole. That's why I always cringe when a character in a TV show refers to someone as an ass. Unless you're British, calling someone an ass really doesn't work. But those are the rules of television. You can be a dirtbag, but not a scumbag.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.'
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