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The 'Phoenix Sun' did a list of the unsexiest men in the world, and I made it to number one. I beat out Bin Laden. He's a terrorist, hasn't bathed in months. I beat him out. To me it was a great honor.

Gilbert Gottfried

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Gilbert Gottfried
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: February 28
Actor
Comedian
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Television Actor
Brooklyn
New York
Gilbert Jeremy Gottfried
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More quotes by Gilbert Gottfried

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The joy of the roasts is to watch people get hurt and offended, and then have to laugh to pretend they're a good sport.
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If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
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I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
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At the Last Supper how come no one sat on the other side of the table? See, I think originally there were people sitting on the other side but those were the people going, You know, the air conditioning hits me right on the back on the neck.
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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.
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R2D2 has gotten more work since “Star Wars” than Carrie Fisher
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I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.
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I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
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I'm eventually gonna take the Daryl Hannah parts.
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If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.
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No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.
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Every time something pops in my head, I think twice about it and I do it anyway.
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I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.
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The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.
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Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.
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Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.
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I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.
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Nothing can help my comedy.
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You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.
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There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience.
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